OMG, such awesome feedback! Thank you! And you TOTALLY DESCRIBED what I was trying for here--that Susan is totally a pessimist, but part of her is still a romantic and still willing to try, only to get shot down yet again. (And part of her pessimism is based on knowing that she will try again, and get hurt again.)
I LOVE fics that start out this way. I'm a total sucker. Is it ridiculous that I get VERY EXCITED when this is the first sentence of a story?? I have weird fic kinks, I tell you.
I too am a sucker for that sentence, but I hadn't yet written a fic where it felt right. Finally, this time it did! (Hmm, I wonder what other fic kinks we share? My bulletproof one is "pretending to be married for a case/mission/whatever," which means the "Arcadia" episode of XF is like my very most favorite thing EVAAAAR.)
RUSSIA FOR THE WIN. I really like that all your nods to Russia in here are genuinely, you know, RUSSIAN, and not just "oh haha she's from Russia and it's canon!" You know??? LOVE.
\O/ SOMEONE APPRECIATES ALL THE RESEARCH I DO! Seriously, I spent hours looking up how tea is typically made in Russia, common flavorings, relevant terms...and I used almost none of it, but I'm glad Susan's tea prep method was recognizably Russian anyway!
You mentioned my girl! \o/
I was actually surprised at how big a part the Talia's memory plays in this one. Haha, she is very good for Susan!angst.
The lack of angst is sharp and perfect and great.
\O/
Michael is not really a romantic character, and Susan is only romantic when you catch her off-guard.
TIMES A THOUSAND to that sentence. (Although I think Michael can be caught off-guard the same way--for example, DODGER. But he's more practical than Susan, I think.)
And AGAIN! This sentence made me stop and squeee and think because it brings up lots of options. :)
Options, yay! I think I was basing the Susan/Talia relationship that precedes this in my head on the one depicted in notjenny's and finally a love poem, where Talia sees right through Susan's cynical shell. (And then in my head, after it ends badly, Susan starts getting really bitter in a way she hadn't been before.)
Oh, love love love. I love that Susan has no thread of actual optimism in this. Your characters are bang-on, and I like how you didn't have their relationship really actually change all that much. <3
Eeeee, thank you. Yes, I wanted to leave the emotional changes implied in the concrete changes, which are on the whole very small. And Susan TOTALLY knows it's going to go TERRIBLY WRONG, but she's caught totally off-guard by the way it changes subtly and gradually from two friends having sex to something else.
OH, PERFECT SETUP.
Set 'em up and KNOCK 'EM DOWN.
\o/ oh, this is GREAT. PERFECT. You slotted this in around the episodes so incredibly WELL. Fa-bu-lous.
Yay, thank you! When I finished it, I was like, "...this actually isn't technically an AU, is it? It might've happened in the scenes we never saw. HOLY CRAP."
Hmm. I always long for a pairing who can treat each other really badly. I wonder if these two might be it for me, since they are both so v. broken and she, at least, is the type to take it out on other people?? *ponders*
Three words for you: AU SEASON FIVE. Let us say Susan stays on B5, and Michael comes back without Lise, because she broke up with him, or they never got back together, or whatever. So you have Michael all BESTER MIND-RAPED ME and THE WOMAN I'VE BEEN PINING FOR FOREVER DUMPED ME, and Susan is all A MAN I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I LOVED JUST SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR MINE. And THEN, you also have Susan going, I don't care if Bester screwed with your head, I STILL DON'T TRUST YOU, and Michael is like, YOU ORDERED PEOPLE TO SHOOT ME ON SIGHT; YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE THAT I WAS MAYBE ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-05-30 09:53 pm (UTC)I LOVE fics that start out this way. I'm a total sucker. Is it ridiculous that I get VERY EXCITED when this is the first sentence of a story?? I have weird fic kinks, I tell you.
I too am a sucker for that sentence, but I hadn't yet written a fic where it felt right. Finally, this time it did! (Hmm, I wonder what other fic kinks we share? My bulletproof one is "pretending to be married for a case/mission/whatever," which means the "Arcadia" episode of XF is like my very most favorite thing EVAAAAR.)
RUSSIA FOR THE WIN. I really like that all your nods to Russia in here are genuinely, you know, RUSSIAN, and not just "oh haha she's from Russia and it's canon!" You know??? LOVE.
\O/ SOMEONE APPRECIATES ALL THE RESEARCH I DO! Seriously, I spent hours looking up how tea is typically made in Russia, common flavorings, relevant terms...and I used almost none of it, but I'm glad Susan's tea prep method was recognizably Russian anyway!
You mentioned my girl! \o/
I was actually surprised at how big a part the Talia's memory plays in this one. Haha, she is very good for Susan!angst.
The lack of angst is sharp and perfect and great.
\O/
Michael is not really a romantic character, and Susan is only romantic when you catch her off-guard.
TIMES A THOUSAND to that sentence. (Although I think Michael can be caught off-guard the same way--for example, DODGER. But he's more practical than Susan, I think.)
And AGAIN! This sentence made me stop and squeee and think because it brings up lots of options. :)
Options, yay! I think I was basing the Susan/Talia relationship that precedes this in my head on the one depicted in notjenny's and finally a love poem, where Talia sees right through Susan's cynical shell. (And then in my head, after it ends badly, Susan starts getting really bitter in a way she hadn't been before.)
Oh, love love love. I love that Susan has no thread of actual optimism in this. Your characters are bang-on, and I like how you didn't have their relationship really actually change all that much. <3
Eeeee, thank you. Yes, I wanted to leave the emotional changes implied in the concrete changes, which are on the whole very small. And Susan TOTALLY knows it's going to go TERRIBLY WRONG, but she's caught totally off-guard by the way it changes subtly and gradually from two friends having sex to something else.
OH, PERFECT SETUP.
Set 'em up and KNOCK 'EM DOWN.
\o/ oh, this is GREAT. PERFECT. You slotted this in around the episodes so incredibly WELL. Fa-bu-lous.
Yay, thank you! When I finished it, I was like, "...this actually isn't technically an AU, is it? It might've happened in the scenes we never saw. HOLY CRAP."
Hmm. I always long for a pairing who can treat each other really badly. I wonder if these two might be it for me, since they are both so v. broken and she, at least, is the type to take it out on other people?? *ponders*
Three words for you: AU SEASON FIVE. Let us say Susan stays on B5, and Michael comes back without Lise, because she broke up with him, or they never got back together, or whatever. So you have Michael all BESTER MIND-RAPED ME and THE WOMAN I'VE BEEN PINING FOR FOREVER DUMPED ME, and Susan is all A MAN I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I LOVED JUST SACRIFICED HIS LIFE FOR MINE. And THEN, you also have Susan going, I don't care if Bester screwed with your head, I STILL DON'T TRUST YOU, and Michael is like, YOU ORDERED PEOPLE TO SHOOT ME ON SIGHT; YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE THAT I WAS MAYBE ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER?
It would be TWISTED AND AWESOME.