The triumph of stupidity

[icepixie]

Yay, Ellen's package got here Friday! With it came Torchwood 1x04, 'cause I'd heard about, er, something spoilery in it and decided that I actually had to watch this one, and she was kind enough to provide.

I...wow. This was truly awful. Awful in a way I was not really prepared for. Ow. Although the Cyberwoman/pterodactyl fight did give me five of the most unintentionally hilarious minutes I've seen this year, so that's something.

- First things first: Why the hell is there a stream, or possibly an open sewer line, flowing through the Torchwood office? This seems contraindicated when there's lots and lots of electronic equipment around.

- Second, why do five people, one of whom appears to be both secretary and janitor, need such a massive office?

- Wow, John Barrowman is bad at this serious stuff. He was amusing on DW, but his character was, like, entirely different there. Here, I'm kind of having trouble differentiating him from a robot. Although that stilted delivery is possibly because he's trying very, very hard not to crack up at the awful lines he gets.

- Welsh accents! They sound kind of like non-rhotic Dublin-or-maybe-general-SE-Irish accents, especially Gwen's and Owen's. Weird.

- *takes one look at Cyber-Lisa* So, we're not just utilizing our later timeslot, we're actively exploiting it. Good to know.

- I get the impression that Jack never really wanted to lead people. He seems...less than communicative. Like perhaps he'd like everyone to leave so he can save the world by himself, and then be alone with the Doctor's severed hand.

- Did Jack just...oh, he did. Jack brought Ianto back to life with a magic kiss. Ow, my head. *drinks more, thinks less*

- Speaking of kissage, the point of that random snog with Gwen and Owen was...what, eactly? Oh, wait, I forgot. Later timeslot. Exploitation. *takes another drink*

- Today seems to be a very bad day to be Ianto. Then again, it seems to be an even worse day to be a pizza delivery girl. *has a drink for them*

- *eyes Jack and Gwen* Gwen's boyfriend is so very not long for this world, or at least for being Gwen's boyfriend.

- In sum, the only person I didn't actively dislike here was Toshiko. She seemed kind of nifty. And I even forgive her her incompetence, seeing as it stemmed from Jack's megalomania.



Ellen, I'm trying to get up the stomach to watch the Declassified thing you included, but it has RTD on it, and he's talking, and I'm sure you know how I can't stand that.

Comments

[icepixie]

I never quite understood the Jack!Lust faction.

I think part of it has to do with Everyone In Fandom Discovering Slash about four or five years ago. Jack is, er, omnisexual, and the Doctor has never said which team he bats for. Ergo, instant slash, just add water. Slash making the fangirls happy leads to Jack!Lust.

Though I bet they cut the scene where Henriette was all, "OH BOO HOO I AM IMMORTAL AND WILL EMO UNTIL THE END OF THE UNIVERRRRRRRSE!"

Oh, you know they did.

But Casanova totally had his own Norwegian Beach of Pain. Diediedie!

He DID have a painful beach scene, didn't he?

You could forgive Rose a lot because she was young and stupid and disadvantaged, and she gradually moved beyond that (if we pretend that the Doomsday regression never happened and the world is not evil)

Yeah, I did forgive her a lot, and then...the second season happened. Sigh.

but Gwen is irritating because she really ought to know better. Arg. That, and she has no motive/goals. Ever. Rar.

:(

Oh, they're not so much against intelligent action as they are against effective and competent action. If doing nothing can be classified as 'competent'.

Someone, somewhere online, did a bodycount, and across all the aired episodes, the Innuendo Squad has managed to get more people killed than would otherwise have died without their interference.

Let's hear it for uselessness!

[rowdycamels.livejournal.com]

Ergo, instant slash, just add water.

I think it's not so much "just add water" as "Rusty will throw bucketsful over them repeatedly for you because Pandering Is What He Does." Sigh.

Oh, you know they did.

Yeah, the dying thing was just a cover for when Jack dropped by to whisk her off to the 51st century with him. Because New!Jack LIKES GIRLS! ONLY GIRLS! GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! AND IANTO!

He DID have a painful beach scene, didn't he?

RTD is a fan of the sobbing and flailing, isn't he? Good thing Casanova didn't wear mascara. Often.

Yeah, I did forgive her a lot, and then...the second season happened. Sigh.

You know, I didn't really have a problem with the never-question-him-ever tendency. I like how it gave things that unsettling sort of edge, like they had no idea how creepy they were getting. In the cutest way possible. I think it fit well with how their relationship was progressing (along a not entirely non-sketchy path), and I was okay with that progression until Daddy Ex Machina and the Evils of Norway happened. Grr.

Someone, somewhere online, did a bodycount, and across all the aired episodes, the Innuendo Squad has managed to get more people killed than would otherwise have died without their interference.

THAT IS THE BEST/WORST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL WEEK. They should totally have a team-building/motivational meeting. Maybe invite the pterodactyl to give an inspirational speech. Then everybody could hug. And, being the Innuendo Squad, grope. Maybe they're saving it for sweeps?

[icepixie]

I think it's not so much "just add water" as "Rusty will throw bucketsful over them repeatedly for you because Pandering Is What He Does." Sigh.

Well, that too. But the slashers were predisposed to like Jack anyway, I think.

Yeah, the dying thing was just a cover for when Jack dropped by to whisk her off to the 51st century with him. Because New!Jack LIKES GIRLS! ONLY GIRLS! GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! ,strike>AND IANTO!

Bwahaha! I absolutely support this theory.

You know, I didn't really have a problem with the never-question-him-ever tendency. I like how it gave things that unsettling sort of edge, like they had no idea how creepy they were getting. In the cutest way possible. I think it fit well with how their relationship was progressing (along a not entirely non-sketchy path), and I was okay with that progression until Daddy Ex Machina and the Evils of Norway happened. Grr.

The smugness just killed it for me, starting in, um, whatever the one with the werewolf was called. Second episode. Ugh. And after the whole thing with AoG and Doomsday, I am completely soured on anything involving Rose.

THAT IS THE BEST/WORST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL WEEK. They should totally have a team-building/motivational meeting. Maybe invite the pterodactyl to give an inspirational speech. Then everybody could hug. And, being the Innuendo Squad, grope. Maybe they're saving it for sweeps?

I feel like an orgy is not too far in the future for this group.

[rowdycamels.livejournal.com]

But the slashers were predisposed to like Jack anyway, I think.

True, true.

The smugness just killed it for me, starting in, um, whatever the one with the werewolf was called. Second episode. Ugh.

But...but.... you don't like CrazySmugBastard!Doctor? I loved how he had all these huge, scary, genocidal character flaws that made you think, "Um, and why is this guy heroic/divine, again?" It made him a lot more interesting. Granted, I would have appreciated it much more if RTD had actually acknowledged that they *were* flaws, and not ideal behavior... And Rose copying his attitude was just another sign of her sketchy assimilation, and I was okay with that. Better creepily Doctorish than "Oh woe, the entire point of my existance is to flail and be sad!", a la Norway.

I feel like an orgy is not too far in the future for this group.

I think I may have a gouge-my-eyes-out appointment for that week.

[icepixie]

I was okay with Doctor As a Smug Bastard until I heard that Davies didn't think this was a bad then. Then I was rapidly NOT OKAY with it. And good GOD, Ten and Rose smugging around the universe was annoying.

The other Doctors definitely have their share of arrogance, but it was never this...aggressive. It's kind of endearing, actually. Most importantly, they're open to the possibility of being wrong, unlike Ten's I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELVES, BECAUSE I'M A TIME LORD MWAHAHAHAHA!

I think I may have a gouge-my-eyes-out appointment for that week.

So glad I have no further plans to watch this show.

[rowdycamels.livejournal.com]

I was okay with Doctor As a Smug Bastard until I heard that Davies didn't think this was a bad then. Then I was rapidly NOT OKAY with it.

Someday his production team will tie him up and gag him and stuff him in a closet, and then all will be right with the world.

And good GOD, Ten and Rose smugging around the universe was annoying.

Like smug little puppies! Cutest thing ever!

Most importantly, they're open to the possibility of being wrong, unlike Ten's I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELVES, BECAUSE I'M A TIME LORD MWAHAHAHAHA!

Maybe RTD will... fall and bang his head and, while he's disoriented, accidentally write comeuppance and consequences? To promote this, we should... attack RTD with sticks. Yes.

So glad I have no further plans to watch this show.

I keep thinking, "okay, rocky start, whatever, surely it'll improve... " but no. This is, like, congenital stupdity. I think I'll watch it 'til the DW crossover (I'm just that bored and OCD) to see how they try to combine the two, but after this season I may be forced to jump ship.

[icepixie]

Someday his production team will tie him up and gag him and stuff him in a closet, and then all will be right with the world.

Excellent idea! I vote we mail them rope and rags.

Maybe RTD will... fall and bang his head and, while he's disoriented, accidentally write comeuppance and consequences? To promote this, we should... attack RTD with sticks. Yes.

*readies sticks*

I keep thinking, "okay, rocky start, whatever, surely it'll improve... " but no. This is, like, congenital stupdity. I think I'll watch it 'til the DW crossover (I'm just that bored and OCD) to see how they try to combine the two, but after this season I may be forced to jump ship.

There's a DW crossover? And you're watching until then?

[rowdycamels.livejournal.com]

There's a DW crossover? And you're watching until then?

Yeah, I haven't been following spoilers much, but from what I've heard, the end of this season of TW ties into next season's DW, and Jack is scheduled to be in three or four eps of 3rd season DW. If they're gonna be that connected, I figure I might as well see how it goes. Of course, RTD is fully capable of convincing me otherwise, I'm sure....

[icepixie]

Huh. When Torchwood was barely a twinkle in RTD's eye, there was all sorts of press about how the two shows could never ever ever ever ever ever EVER cross over, because then it would be "forcing" DW viewers to watch TW, and vice versa, and it's against their charter (same reason why the show can't refer to any events in the novels or audio plays, although the other way around is allowed). Something about it not being legal to obligate people to buy/watch something else to see the resolution of a story, or something. I think there was also wailing about how, "OMG, CHILDREN will want to watch an ADULT show that airs AFTER 9 PM, and they will see SEX, ahhhh!!!"

Personally, I think they have far more to fear from children seeing the awful, awful storytelling in TW than the exploitation, but that's just me...

[rowdycamels.livejournal.com]

I know, what's up with the sudden reversal on the crossover policy?? But the rumors I was hearing were saying that it had gone past the handwavy stage and JB was all contracted and stuff. (I'd go look it up, but I'm trying to avoid DW spoilers, especially Martha ones, because I have a feeling that if I know what's gonna happen I'll be less inclined to actually watch the new season.) So, yeah, it seems like a definite thing, but I have no idea how it's gonna work. Unless Ten runs into Pre-Nine!Jack, and... somehow Jack forgot to mention in 1st season Who that he'd... already met Ten? Or something? I really don't see how they're gonna wangle their way out of the anti-crossover problems. But then, there's already the Hand and the Angst, so they're practically crossing over right from the start. I pretty much wouldn't put anything past them. If it's rules vs. ratings, the rules don't have a chance.

"Children, cover your eyes! Remember, tv uselessness is NOT REAL! It doesn't really exist, and it isn't lurking under your bed, and you SHOULD NOT try to recreate at home any uselessness you may see on tv! It's all done by highly-trained stunt-incompetents!"

[icepixie]

(I'd go look it up, but I'm trying to avoid DW spoilers, especially Martha ones, because I have a feeling that if I know what's gonna happen I'll be less inclined to actually watch the new season.)

Heh. Yes.

If it's rules vs. ratings, the rules don't have a chance.

Very true.

I'm clueless as to how this crossover will happen, too. And yet somehow, I find myself not caring overmuch... *rolls eyes at RTD*