Your Vampires Suck

[icepixie]

Arrrrrrrgh, the book I'm reading turned from an enthralling tale of scholars and alchemy books and potential genetic links between humans, vampires, and witches into The Adventures of Overprotective and Possessive Jerkass Vampires and the Damsels in Distress Who Love Them. I'm reasonably certain the author was taking lessons from Stephenie Meyer, because there's a lot of the vampire carrying the girl around like a sack of potatoes, and it's apparently coded into vampire society that the males are always the head of the family (which she's totally okay with because she luuuuurves him!). Oh, and vampires can go out in the sun, eat food (including garlic), and go into churches, so basically the only things that can harm them are actually getting beheaded or burnt to death. At least they don't sparkle.

But there's still the promise of something interesting in the book they're looking for as he carries her around France and she sighs and weeps, so I am PERSEVERING through these last 175 pages. Just with much grumbling. Grrrr.

Comments

[icepixie]

But I assume you have some reason why everyone wouldn't want to be a vampire? Because these vampires (and Meyers, and others like hers) are pretty much humans with long lifespans and dietary eccentricities that don't seem to cause them much trouble. Hell, sign me up! I guess I don't much care about the particulars, but I want there to be some catch, or else logically the world would quickly be populated entirely with vampires.

[kungfuwaynewho.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that's the drawback of making vampires into smoldering romantic heroes - they can't be too gross or nasty or evil. So then they're not even really vampires, you know? But writing a story about a moody teenage girl falling in love with a random perfect immortal doesn't have quite the same draw.

(Well, in my mythos vampires reproduce sexually, but it's difficult for any child to be brought to term, so there aren't many of them. And I kind of went with the whole, they're not actually evil in a soulless Buffy kind of way, but that since they live for so long they lose that connection to real people and basically become evil.)

[icepixie]

So then they're not even really vampires, you know?

Yep. Which is why I always wondered why the hell they ever became romantic heroes in the first place. I mean, I guess Dracula seduced some girls in the book, but that was all due to him using his supernatural powers to do it and the Victorians' issues with sex, not because he was actually in any way attractive.

But writing a story about a moody teenage girl falling in love with a random perfect immortal doesn't have quite the same draw.

I hear tell that Twilight actually started as a superhero novel, which would've made so much more sense. Superheroes! Totally the way to go!

Your drawbacks and limitations actually make sense! Unlike the ones I'm complaining about.