![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icepixieI still don't like it. But I wanted to deal with this somehow, and if/when (yeah, I think Muse is latching on to this fandom) I write more SG, it'll probably come up again, hopefully to be dealt with better.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money being made, etc. etc.
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SUMMARY: Dark and twisted drabble-type thing. I really don't know what got into me.
"Burdens"
by Icepixie, May 2003
He kisses you, long and sweet. You try to ignore the stab of pain as you kiss back, tasting him as you pull him closer, wishing that little place in your stomach wouldn't hurt right now because it takes away from the moment. But it's always there, though it lessens with each kiss and with each article of clothing removed until you can hardly feel it anymore, distracted as you are by what he manages to do to each and every nerve ending in your body.
But on the nights when you lie awake in his embrace, feeling the even breathing on your neck that tells you he's asleep, it comes back to gnaw at you, squirm about your innards like a snake, a pain that you know isn't really there but you touch your abdomen anyway. Guilt, sorrow...regret isn't there adding its potency to the mixture, not really, because you took this with both hands and eyes wide open. It's still what you want, what you know you will always want, and that's why you finally agreed when he asked you to come with him to his cabin, when you both knew that fishing was the last thing of either of your minds.
But you know that you break the promise you made each time you kiss him, each night on another world where you ache to hold him in your arms but can't, because no one can know about this. Before SG-1, before *Jack*, you'd thought your vow (and all the regulations it included) was as strong as trinium. Now you realize that it is as fragile as glass, as easily breakable as a treasured crystal figurine in a small child's grasp.
And instead of releasing a burden from your shoulders, this has merely replaced the weight. You aren't hiding from him and from your own emotions anymore, but now you hide your transgressions, fold them up inside you until they make that little, rocky ball that nestles deep in your belly. Will you always have a burden to carry?
For some reason, he wakes up, and you can feel his breathing change against your skin. He knows you're not asleep, either. "Sam?"
"Hey."
He touches your hand in its place over your stomach, feels the tension in your body. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," you say, even though you're not.
He pauses, testing the phrase for what he knows you didn't say, clasping your hand in his as it rests on your stomach. "I know, Sam. Me, too."
At least you know he shares your burden as he shares your love. And for now, for tonight, it is enough.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, no money being made, etc. etc.
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Sam/Jack
SUMMARY: Dark and twisted drabble-type thing. I really don't know what got into me.
"Burdens"
by Icepixie, May 2003
He kisses you, long and sweet. You try to ignore the stab of pain as you kiss back, tasting him as you pull him closer, wishing that little place in your stomach wouldn't hurt right now because it takes away from the moment. But it's always there, though it lessens with each kiss and with each article of clothing removed until you can hardly feel it anymore, distracted as you are by what he manages to do to each and every nerve ending in your body.
But on the nights when you lie awake in his embrace, feeling the even breathing on your neck that tells you he's asleep, it comes back to gnaw at you, squirm about your innards like a snake, a pain that you know isn't really there but you touch your abdomen anyway. Guilt, sorrow...regret isn't there adding its potency to the mixture, not really, because you took this with both hands and eyes wide open. It's still what you want, what you know you will always want, and that's why you finally agreed when he asked you to come with him to his cabin, when you both knew that fishing was the last thing of either of your minds.
But you know that you break the promise you made each time you kiss him, each night on another world where you ache to hold him in your arms but can't, because no one can know about this. Before SG-1, before *Jack*, you'd thought your vow (and all the regulations it included) was as strong as trinium. Now you realize that it is as fragile as glass, as easily breakable as a treasured crystal figurine in a small child's grasp.
And instead of releasing a burden from your shoulders, this has merely replaced the weight. You aren't hiding from him and from your own emotions anymore, but now you hide your transgressions, fold them up inside you until they make that little, rocky ball that nestles deep in your belly. Will you always have a burden to carry?
For some reason, he wakes up, and you can feel his breathing change against your skin. He knows you're not asleep, either. "Sam?"
"Hey."
He touches your hand in its place over your stomach, feels the tension in your body. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," you say, even though you're not.
He pauses, testing the phrase for what he knows you didn't say, clasping your hand in his as it rests on your stomach. "I know, Sam. Me, too."
At least you know he shares your burden as he shares your love. And for now, for tonight, it is enough.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-05-27 07:53 pm (UTC)Very good, darlin'... ::nods nods::
Feel free to write more! ;D
~ Maren
no subject
Date: 2003-05-29 08:54 pm (UTC)I love the entire opening paragraph
'Guilt, sorrow...regret isn't there adding its potency to the mixture, not really, because you took this with both hands and eyes wide open. ' this line ohhhh the angst but still a little bit hopeful and so I reeeally like it.
"I know, Sam. Me, too." *whimper* So kewl :)
I likes! Muchas!! Dunno why u don't, it's good stuff :)
no subject
Date: 2003-05-30 08:38 am (UTC)*snort* Until you remember who wrote it... ;) I didn't realize that there was that mystery there (at least until the cabin/fishing line), but now that you've pointed it out, I quite like it.
I love the entire opening paragraph
Thanks. That's seriously the most PG-13-ish paragraph I've ever written, I think. My god, really am a prude, aren't I?
'Guilt, sorrow...regret isn't there adding its potency to the mixture, not really, because you took this with both hands and eyes wide open. ' this line ohhhh the angst but still a little bit hopeful and so I reeeally like it.
I'm all about hopeful angst. Hehehe.
"I know, Sam. Me, too." *whimper* So kewl :)
:)
I likes! Muchas!! Dunno why u don't, it's good stuff :)
Thanks, Jodie! I guess I don't not like it...I just feel a little weird about it. I think it's 'cause I'd never written anything that short before. ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-05-30 09:04 pm (UTC)Oh and ur gonna hafta share the prude title cuz that was smuttier than anything I've written *L*
no subject
Date: 2003-05-31 02:57 pm (UTC)Oh, but why be concise when you can make pages and pages out of nothing? Sorry, I'm an English major and Hume-Fogg graduate. I'm used to BS-ing things. ;)
Oh and ur gonna hafta share the prude title cuz that was smuttier than anything I've written *L*
Oh my GAWD. That's frightening, hon. *giggle*