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[personal profile] icepixie
Yay, Ellen's package got here Friday! With it came Torchwood 1x04, 'cause I'd heard about, er, something spoilery in it and decided that I actually had to watch this one, and she was kind enough to provide.

I...wow. This was truly awful. Awful in a way I was not really prepared for. Ow. Although the Cyberwoman/pterodactyl fight did give me five of the most unintentionally hilarious minutes I've seen this year, so that's something.

- First things first: Why the hell is there a stream, or possibly an open sewer line, flowing through the Torchwood office? This seems contraindicated when there's lots and lots of electronic equipment around.

- Second, why do five people, one of whom appears to be both secretary and janitor, need such a massive office?

- Wow, John Barrowman is bad at this serious stuff. He was amusing on DW, but his character was, like, entirely different there. Here, I'm kind of having trouble differentiating him from a robot. Although that stilted delivery is possibly because he's trying very, very hard not to crack up at the awful lines he gets.

- Welsh accents! They sound kind of like non-rhotic Dublin-or-maybe-general-SE-Irish accents, especially Gwen's and Owen's. Weird.

- *takes one look at Cyber-Lisa* So, we're not just utilizing our later timeslot, we're actively exploiting it. Good to know.

- I get the impression that Jack never really wanted to lead people. He seems...less than communicative. Like perhaps he'd like everyone to leave so he can save the world by himself, and then be alone with the Doctor's severed hand.

- Did Jack just...oh, he did. Jack brought Ianto back to life with a magic kiss. Ow, my head. *drinks more, thinks less*

- Speaking of kissage, the point of that random snog with Gwen and Owen was...what, eactly? Oh, wait, I forgot. Later timeslot. Exploitation. *takes another drink*

- Today seems to be a very bad day to be Ianto. Then again, it seems to be an even worse day to be a pizza delivery girl. *has a drink for them*

- *eyes Jack and Gwen* Gwen's boyfriend is so very not long for this world, or at least for being Gwen's boyfriend.

- In sum, the only person I didn't actively dislike here was Toshiko. She seemed kind of nifty. And I even forgive her her incompetence, seeing as it stemmed from Jack's megalomania.



Ellen, I'm trying to get up the stomach to watch the Declassified thing you included, but it has RTD on it, and he's talking, and I'm sure you know how I can't stand that.

Date: 2006-11-13 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
I just couldn't even imagine that Barrowman would be THAT BAD.

What's up with that?? I'd blame it on his cheesy musical theater background, except that other actors (Joel Grey, for one) can go back and forth between film and musicals and not cause viewers physical pain with their acting...

*steels self* Perhaps I can just speed through anything with RTD, then.

Fast forward is your friend.

and I did wonder, but thought, "...It's in CARDIFF!"

It's sad when even the producers seem to go for the "Drink more, think less!" philosophy...

The old Aldwych station they closed down must have gotten up and walked off to Cardiff.

Like a wandering uterus, except with tile!

Although I am curious about the fairies from this week.

Watching Barrowman trying to be very, very earnest with the worst lines of "this is really science, really really I swear" ever written is... pain. And the fairies are Gollums with wings! The only real fairy here is the Plagiarism Fairy, and she struck hard.

I ddin't even like the old Jack, and I still want to see him back in the place of this...random bitter person.

Aww, you didn't like Jack? But he was the embodiment of all the Doctor's repressed testosterone and American-ness! What's not to like? Besides... everything? Although I really wouldn't mind the sudden emo if only it were backed up with decent writing, or reasonable backstory, or good acting. Alas.

After all, cheating is the "adult" thing to do.

So is gnawing on the scenery, didn't you know?

but I was referring more to the "I used my initiative" in programming the doors to unlock again so that pizza girl and Ianto could get in. Had Jack told her his plans, she wouldn't have done something so stupid,

Yeah, okay, I'm totally with you there. And "When I want you to think for yourself, I'll TELL YOU!" was kinda awesome, I admit.

In other words, he looks like a person and not a robot when he's not "acting"?

Weird, I know!

I did hear about that. I may have to...investigate...

Well, don't get your hopes up about the episode in general, but the end is all, "JACK IS ABRUPTLY AND TOTALLY EVIL!" and then everyone's all, "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THAT!" and then... it ends. Awesome.

Date: 2006-11-14 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
He's made of plastic--that face that conforms perfectly to standards of male beauty put forth by Hollywood Of Old cannot be natural

Hm, I was trying to think of what's odd about him - besides the acting, I mean - and yeah, he's definitely got that "I would've been really hot fifty years ago" aura. Probably why they cast him as Jack in the first place.

And what does the Plagiarism Fairy look like, then?

RTD with wings and a sparkly wand, possibly? Or maybe that's the Screenwriting-Anvil Fairy...

Indeed. I think I disliked him because of the Ken dollness. And now it's mostly because of Sudden Emo Bitterness.

Aww, I did actually like Ye Olde Jack, because he was just so outrageously, "Ta da! I am here to be American! Do you have anything that needs American-ing? Because I can American that for you!" and nobody tried to pretend otherwise. And with the right writing, he could've been the basis of a good spinoff. Whywhywhy must you murder good ideas, RTD?

Uvwi.

Did you just lament in Russian? Because I love you.

I have this great recipe for scenery casserole...it's topped with crumbled potato chips!

Oooh, are they made of melodrama?

Hmmm. I've been reading screencap recaps of it, and I get the impression that Jack gave the girl to the fairies because she wanted to go. Not the case?

Well, by that point, I was thinking, "Um, Jack, she's totally evil and not even that kid anymore, so you might as well toss her to the wolves," but the whole sacrificing-innocents angle didn't go over well with the Innuendo Squad at all. (The kid was looking pretty unswervingly evil and sadistic fairly early on, though, and she totally wanted to Go Join The Dark Side.) It was basically framed as "give up the kid or we'll start a war," and Jack took the easy, morally questionable option. The most interesting thing about it was that it mirrored "Fear Her," with the little-girl-possession and all, except TW took the "Eh, we can't win this, so let's give up and go home for ethically ambiguous tea" approach, instead of the Doctor's "I will save this cute fluffy bunny or die trying!!1!" philosophy. Didn't quite make up for the stupidity of the rest of the ep, but I was impressed that they went for such a dark ending.

Date: 2006-11-15 06:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
Plagiarism Fairy and Anvil Fairy had a baby and it looks like RTD!

GAH!

He never grabbed me the way he seemed to grab Everyone Else Ever in fandom. (And I mean "grab" in a metaphorical sense, of course. *shudder*)

Bwahah! Yeah, I'm fond of the character, and I don't want him to die a horrible death (at least I didn't use to... now I'm not so sure...), but I never quite understood the Jack!Lust faction.

(Although in his defense, Casanova reverses that dynamic. But it's still there--Henriette is mysterious and powerful vis a vis Casanova, who is all, "I can take you away from your crappy boyfriend! Let me heal you and we will make sweet, sweet love!" To which she of course responds, "Dude. You're poor. And kind of an idiot.")

Hadn't thought of it that way. Interesting. Though I bet they cut the scene where Henriette was all, "OH BOO HOO I AM IMMORTAL AND WILL EMO UNTIL THE END OF THE UNIVERRRRRRRSE!" But Casanova totally had his own Norwegian Beach of Pain. Diediedie!

You could forgive Rose a lot because she was young and stupid and disadvantaged, and she gradually moved beyond that (if we pretend that the Doomsday regression never happened and the world is not evil), but Gwen is irritating because she really ought to know better. Arg. That, and she has no motive/goals. Ever. Rar.

Well, I've heard you do it so often, I couldn't help myself.

Muahaha!

Naturally. Do anything intelligent, and they'll want to stop it. Or so I assume.

Oh, they're not so much against intelligent action as they are against effective and competent action. If doing nothing can be classified as 'competent'.

Yay! Some promise?

What?? Something that qualifies as Actually Adult instead of just Pandering??

Date: 2006-11-16 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
Ergo, instant slash, just add water.

I think it's not so much "just add water" as "Rusty will throw bucketsful over them repeatedly for you because Pandering Is What He Does." Sigh.

Oh, you know they did.

Yeah, the dying thing was just a cover for when Jack dropped by to whisk her off to the 51st century with him. Because New!Jack LIKES GIRLS! ONLY GIRLS! GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! AND IANTO!

He DID have a painful beach scene, didn't he?

RTD is a fan of the sobbing and flailing, isn't he? Good thing Casanova didn't wear mascara. Often.

Yeah, I did forgive her a lot, and then...the second season happened. Sigh.

You know, I didn't really have a problem with the never-question-him-ever tendency. I like how it gave things that unsettling sort of edge, like they had no idea how creepy they were getting. In the cutest way possible. I think it fit well with how their relationship was progressing (along a not entirely non-sketchy path), and I was okay with that progression until Daddy Ex Machina and the Evils of Norway happened. Grr.

Someone, somewhere online, did a bodycount, and across all the aired episodes, the Innuendo Squad has managed to get more people killed than would otherwise have died without their interference.

THAT IS THE BEST/WORST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL WEEK. They should totally have a team-building/motivational meeting. Maybe invite the pterodactyl to give an inspirational speech. Then everybody could hug. And, being the Innuendo Squad, grope. Maybe they're saving it for sweeps?

Date: 2006-11-16 09:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
But the slashers were predisposed to like Jack anyway, I think.

True, true.

The smugness just killed it for me, starting in, um, whatever the one with the werewolf was called. Second episode. Ugh.

But...but.... you don't like CrazySmugBastard!Doctor? I loved how he had all these huge, scary, genocidal character flaws that made you think, "Um, and why is this guy heroic/divine, again?" It made him a lot more interesting. Granted, I would have appreciated it much more if RTD had actually acknowledged that they *were* flaws, and not ideal behavior... And Rose copying his attitude was just another sign of her sketchy assimilation, and I was okay with that. Better creepily Doctorish than "Oh woe, the entire point of my existance is to flail and be sad!", a la Norway.

I feel like an orgy is not too far in the future for this group.

I think I may have a gouge-my-eyes-out appointment for that week.

Date: 2006-11-17 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
I was okay with Doctor As a Smug Bastard until I heard that Davies didn't think this was a bad then. Then I was rapidly NOT OKAY with it.

Someday his production team will tie him up and gag him and stuff him in a closet, and then all will be right with the world.

And good GOD, Ten and Rose smugging around the universe was annoying.

Like smug little puppies! Cutest thing ever!

Most importantly, they're open to the possibility of being wrong, unlike Ten's I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELVES, BECAUSE I'M A TIME LORD MWAHAHAHAHA!

Maybe RTD will... fall and bang his head and, while he's disoriented, accidentally write comeuppance and consequences? To promote this, we should... attack RTD with sticks. Yes.

So glad I have no further plans to watch this show.

I keep thinking, "okay, rocky start, whatever, surely it'll improve... " but no. This is, like, congenital stupdity. I think I'll watch it 'til the DW crossover (I'm just that bored and OCD) to see how they try to combine the two, but after this season I may be forced to jump ship.

Date: 2006-11-17 11:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
There's a DW crossover? And you're watching until then?

Yeah, I haven't been following spoilers much, but from what I've heard, the end of this season of TW ties into next season's DW, and Jack is scheduled to be in three or four eps of 3rd season DW. If they're gonna be that connected, I figure I might as well see how it goes. Of course, RTD is fully capable of convincing me otherwise, I'm sure....

Date: 2006-11-18 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
I know, what's up with the sudden reversal on the crossover policy?? But the rumors I was hearing were saying that it had gone past the handwavy stage and JB was all contracted and stuff. (I'd go look it up, but I'm trying to avoid DW spoilers, especially Martha ones, because I have a feeling that if I know what's gonna happen I'll be less inclined to actually watch the new season.) So, yeah, it seems like a definite thing, but I have no idea how it's gonna work. Unless Ten runs into Pre-Nine!Jack, and... somehow Jack forgot to mention in 1st season Who that he'd... already met Ten? Or something? I really don't see how they're gonna wangle their way out of the anti-crossover problems. But then, there's already the Hand and the Angst, so they're practically crossing over right from the start. I pretty much wouldn't put anything past them. If it's rules vs. ratings, the rules don't have a chance.

"Children, cover your eyes! Remember, tv uselessness is NOT REAL! It doesn't really exist, and it isn't lurking under your bed, and you SHOULD NOT try to recreate at home any uselessness you may see on tv! It's all done by highly-trained stunt-incompetents!"

Date: 2006-11-14 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
Oh, and a random scary lj icon made me realize who Jack reminds me of: ZAPP BRANNIGAN! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zapp_Brannigan) Complete with Shatnerisms!

Date: 2006-11-15 05:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rowdycamels.livejournal.com
And the audience is Kif. Siiiiiiiiigh....

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